There are times in life (my life), where my fantastic ex-wife serves up a gem of a quote that I simply cannot resist commenting on. The above gem was in fact served up by my ex in a bizarre e-mail exchange that we had a week ago.
So, let’s break down reality here and serve it up with a side of sarcasm and vitriol.
First off, a few quick facts: My youngest daughter was born in 2002. According to the Wall Street Journal, the cost of a child born in 2002 through age 18 is approximately $225,162. http://graphics.wsj.com/childcost/ This nets out to be roughly $12,509. My child support is $11,544 per year. According to the state of Arizona, I am responsible for 85% of the cost of my daughter. This number was arrived at as a function of my visitation and how much I and my ex-wife make. If I’m paying for 85% of our daughter, that means that per the state, the total annual cost of our daughter is approximately $13,581.17, so my ex-wife’s share of the cost of our daughter should be approximately $2,037.00 per year.
So, first off, full disclosure: Over the past four years, I’ve had some issues with employment — I’d have a job, be out of work for 3 months, get another job, and the cycle would continue. I can point directly to drama associated with my ex-wife as the primary causative factor for these job losses, but that’s total bullshit. I should have kept my personal life personal, and my work life separate. I own that. At any rate, there were some medical bills incurred that I needed to pay 85% of the non-insurance covered coinsurance, court awarded lawyer fees, and yes, back child support incurred when she was living with me. The past due medical and school expenses were approximately $2,000, the lawyer was approximately $2,000. So, there’s at least 4 grand that I’m clearly responsible for, no questions asked.
So, with that said, I receive a “Paid by ex-wife” sheet, that includes the above expenses, a truck (4 grand), and a list of items to include school lunches, blah, blah, blah. The grand total for four (count ’em 4) years, was 13 grand. When you remove the expenses that I have either paid or am in the process of paying and remove the truck, you come up with a grand total of 5 grand… for four years. So, as a function of my ex-wife’s own spreadsheet. she isn’t even paying what she should be paying towards the cost of our daughter. Roughly 5 grand over 4 years is around $1,250 per year. That’s all she could come up with. Yet, according to her, that is “paying for everything and moving on.”
Let’s throw out some realities for income equalization, shall we? If child support were truly income equalization, the amount of child support that my ex would be receiving, would be over 30 grand a year. Fun fact: Child support is income based cost allocation. That’s it. Repeating the lie of “income equalization” enough doesn’t make it true. And please don’t tell me that the cost of a child should include an apportioned cost of housing, but if you want to throw that in, let’s just do that. In fact, let’s just do a back of the napkin approximation and throw in renting a room, food and clothing and see what we come up with:
Room rental: $150.00
Food: $450 (she’s a teenager, but she also spends time with me)
Clothes: $200.00
Misc: $125
Total: $925.00 per month
Reality here: My daughter doesn’t spend $200.00 a month on clothes. $450 on food is a stretch, but let’s assume that’s right. The bottom line, is that yes, my child support at $926.00 per month, does in fact cover 100% of the cost of our daughter when she’s at her mother’s. However, according to her mother, the 5 grand over 4 years that she spent is somehow “paying for everything.”
Now, according to my ex-wife, our daughter has to get a job and work, or “there will be cutbacks.” Specifically, our daughter won’t be able to drive. So what, exactly, does that mean when our daughter’s child support ends? Does our daughter suddenly need to pony up the equivalent of my child support to continue living with her mother? I mean let’s remember, there will be cutbacks if she doesn’t work now. What happens when my support ends?
I’ll tell you exactly what happens: Our daughter comes to live with me. Its that simple. I will pay for 100% of her college, I will give her the c/s that her mother currently receives so that she doesn’t have to work and can focus on her schooling. That is what happens. Our daughter can learn to manage money while going to college. She also won’t have to deal with her mother’s body shaming and put-downs. She will have freedom to do what she wants, to be a young adult and have fun.